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A Breach In The Impenetrable Wall Of Man

On March 17, 2013, in Leadership XXL-Pack, by Neculai Fantanaru

Give a certain note to your personality without abandoning that analytical thoroughness of the "Man" within you.

I was haunted by existential thoughts that I didn’t know how or where I got them. By those unspoken thoughts hidden in the mystery of whispers thrown at night, until one of them, uneasily, slips from the hourglass of an invisible clock, then disappears into nothingness. Nothing like that ever happened to me before. I wasn’t able to understand anything back then.

Thus, I reached purely scientific explanations, the cause of a variable dose of subjectivity, but which did not say anything about the existence of any phenomenon of retreating unacceptable feelings or about the nature of any social phenomenon.

What explanation could I have given for this spontaneous fact, this absolute symbolic union that was still fragile with another extraordinary and revelatory experience that urged me to be what I was? I felt as if I had to conceive a genuine poetry of the dreams of an obscure, subduing and meditative existence, whose essence, living as a silent witness in the center of a finite universe, could only be comprehended and understood through faith in a fantastic "superior truth".

Everything in me expressed a deep anxiety, like an alarm signal. O torrent of lights and shadows unceasing to ricochet into the "meaningful", in all that represented me as a human, enriching me with new echoes, new nuances, new meanings of a susceptible life of unprecedented evolution, and new perspectives about consciousness – that in my "awakening" state I didn’t accept as being real.

As if I was standing in the vicinity of a transmission line that risked to collapse, and this uncontrolled collapse tended to produce other effects than those initially expected. It was something periodic. Bizarrely enough I was entering a slippery stand-by, some kind of waiting before everything happened, an indefinite waiting for something that I didn’t know when it would be over. When you dream you happen to support reality through a fiction that works based on the logic of non-sense.

Leadership: Can you assume your isolation in a common destiny in the form of an ascension to perfection that knows only the limit of recognizing a superior truth?

There had to have been something, isolation, the surreal feeling similar to that in a medieval Dutch castle haunted by geists, compared to the way in which I perceived what was happening to me. The events around me, the passing of time and my evolution. And maybe something deeper, a kind of tear, a breach in the apparently impenetrable wall of my Ego.

I was closer to the truth than I would have guessed at the beginning. I was nervous because of this imprévisible with many faces, this slight malady of the unusual, hard to diagnose, hard to treat in advanced stages, this cyclic tension that consumed me, profoundly disrupting my existence. In fact, the situation we were experiencing could be perceived as an ascension to a perfection that began with isolation in an aseptic territory of sterile imagination, and continued with a small trick of the Ego, a programming of the consciousness of looking only through the filter of an "awakening from a very living dream". I still wonder how my mind could create such a strange story.

Chained in the middle of my inner struggles, unable to easily express them, I would discover something new about myself every time. This happened gradually, as one of those tempting thoughts that winked at me only in a trance, would randomly escape me.

This is how I managed to overcome a decisive transition period of life, whose sound wave still twitters intensely in me.

I should have never abandoned that analytic thoroughness of the "Man" within me, with his lights and shadows. I should have tried to shape the thoughts that hit me, like a blacksmith that molds the wrought iron into the fire, to give them a certain superior meaning, so that they helped me face myself, bring to light and make the most out of the unknown in me.

The only truth that deeply frightened me, the essential principle of life that set me free from a mental prison, from an imaginary cage that always burned with the same power, the only sun accessible only to the tall minds, was the following: the attitude and intent of asking questions and looking for answers to everything that hindered me largely influenced the fund of perception of reality called human society.

Leadership: Is there really a "left" and "right" in everything that defines you, attributed to a vulnerability that does not favor action based on multiple temporary plans?

Are you going through a decisive transition in your life? Does everything in you express a deep anxiety? Are you under the impression that you’re going through an indefinite waiting for something that you don’t know when it will be over? Are you struck by a feeling of surreal? What meaning can you give to the thoughts that come across your mind ceaselessly? Are you feeling chained in the middle of some struggles that you can’t easily express?

There where there is no sign, no clue, no distinctive mark or even an effect of your own manifestations, there where you simply can’t focus your interest on your own knowledge and understanding, there is where you can’t register any progress, any wholeness of the "painting" that gives a certain note to your personality – in the luxuriant existence of events.

This denotes the fact that there is no true "left" or "right" in everything that defines you, but more likely something you can call stand-by, an indefinite waiting for something that you don’t know when it will be over. The left and right symbolize two alternative ways of reaching a certain level of awareness of reality, but they cannot be concretized into a single value called the "event flow index" that demands a permanent focus on direct action.

Be consistent with the exceptional faculty of being a profound observer of the reality that initiates you into knowing yourself without throwing unmerciful lights onto every unseen aspect in your existence that could exert an unfavorable domination. Only this way you will be able to break down every wall that stands in the way of your snake-like path towards the completion of your potential.

You will be able to give the final sword strikes in the dawn of what represents you, that indispensable form of life experiences, poor in its contents, rough, that determines certain discomfort, adverse reactions, and completely bogus inclinations.

Could your careful examination point out the existence of a complex decision-making structure, well-settled in the framework of your own existence? Or do you find yourself in a permanent tension between what matters and what matters only apparently?

All the feelings, the situations and experiences you are going through, enlightening or dark, push you into being what you are, guiding you constantly either towards the anxiety that eats you, that makes you always crawl around the same uselessness feeling. Or the contrary, towards the friendliness of "being" that maximizes all the resources and performances of your functioning system.

The experience of living through the heat of the heart that gives life to the written word takes place on two temporary planes: a game of imagination from which no one can escape (penetrating with a whole host of trembling and confused feelings), and a result of the reality from which must emerge your ability to discern the meaning of a new facet of the Ego.

A Breach In The Impenetrable Wall Of Man allows access to a reality created from an imagination that, through just a handful of words, manages to transform a story into a more or less logically formalized language of life.

No matter how impenetrable the armor that we create throughout our life, we should expect anytime a breach in this apparently impenetrable wall. The breach or breaches occur because of ourselves, because we don’t take into consideration the "minimum resistance points", that is the weak points that we all have, but we don’t all admit their existence.

A deep self-knowledge, a self-analysis of the Ego that makes us be what we are, as well as a prospective evaluation of the causes and effects, will make us able to obstruct these breaches in due time, becoming invincible in the future.


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