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The Continuous Oscillation Of Pendulums

On February 10, 2013, in Leadership Q2-Sensitive, by Neculai Fantanaru

Perfect your evolution, without giving a false interpretation to self-knowledge.

Once, I used to suddenly wake up at night, almost panicked, and troubled by the thought of finding someone or something. Space. Silence. Stillness. Even I did not know too well what was this overwhelming and vague memento of engaging in a reality that can only be conquered by imagination, which does not cease to amaze. A thought, illuminating like lighting for a moment, without hesitation in shape, then extinguishing in a strange way, finding a living echo in my mind disturbed by the illusion of a dream.

And this ambivalent thought, the summarization of my ever increasing demands, the connector adapted to be attached around a battery charged with neutral stimuli, was preparing its big hit: pushing my limits to the point agony. Any attempt to find out the meaning of life in a moment of wandering, the weakness of one’s own will, is doomed to a retreat into exile, to an inner turmoil that would drive anyone mad.

There was a deep change in my mind. I was entering the gray area of ambiguity. At which point, it was as if nothing was happening, but something was increasing in intensity. A paralysis, seconded by an intense tension at the point of encounter with the unknown. Who did I measure my forces with?

I had no target, I wasn’t pursuing any result, but I was launching like an arrow from atoo tightly bow, away from myself. I was blinded by a mysterious call, a vibration of something or someone that darkened my logic.

I cannot argue with the truth once expressed by an anonymous writer: "Some people get on a fast train, but even they do not know very well where they are going. They grope back and forth, until they wake up; then, they start over, until they lose themselves for good."

Leadership: Are you able to oppose a particular experience that marks you through its realism, where the feelings embrace unpredictable forms and manifestations of your attachment to the beliefs you consciously respect?

I also had climbed on that fast train al paso del momento, not knowing what I was looking for, not being able to cause a change or separating myself from my perceptions of "void". My reason was strangled by a strange paradox: I was letting myself be dominated by other coordinates, not knowing what laybeneath them. A contradiction had born in me between the "area" of my conscience and the variety of other consciences, a contradiction between what I wanted and what I could do.

I no longer knew what is true and what is illusion. The superior conviction I consciously respected was that that I couldn’t simultaneously experience two different worlds, that of the dream and of reality. Just like Kant, I came to have the passion of tireless searches. I continually questioned the inherent causes which make phenomena possible. But if Kant continually exceeded the limits he thought entitled to set in a determined time of his research, the analysis of these thoughts directed towards my essence inhibited me.

The prototype of a genuine and compulsory experience that interfered or interacted with a private space of lucid thought, of hidden self-knowledge. Finding answers in an unlimited complexity was the source of my anxiety.

I was seeing a diffuse light through some gray curtains. I reached out and tried to push them away. A sort of new conscience anchored inside me, with lots of wheels and springs compelled me, pushed "back" my present conscience. And it wanted to evolve to the maximum possible limit, inoculating me some values, but also a huge sense of guilt.

When are two pendulums going to return to their original position? When are two consciences, two intellects going to get along? How much longer will they collate in my mind? Until when will they put pressure on my personality?

Leadership: What interpretation can you attribute to self-knowledge attached to a psychological state whose representation is no longer concerned with factual details, events, but rather their forging in a grave ambiance?

Do you get on a train without knowing where you’re headed? Do you let yourself be blinded by a mysterious call, a vibration of something or someone that is clouding your logic? Do you give priority or exaggerate the value of a single element participating in the alchemy of your own being? Do you turn into an avid seeker of certainty and uncertainty? Do you get away from yourself?

Much of your evolution is the result of exploring new vital knowledge that does not seduce you with much color, but gives you the certainty of an “awakening” from the numbness of a perpetual state of expectation, dissatisfaction, due to uncertainty in being able to distinguish the “real” from the “imaginary”.

Self-knowledge is the result of overcoming your limits in fighting demons when you are facing pressing imperatives of reality that change the significance you give to life.

Personally, I give a single interpretation of self-knowledge attached to a psychological state in whose representation I am no longer interested in factual details, events, but in their shaping in a grave ambiance: that that the threatening experience of the sentiment of the uncontrollable and that of helplessness decides the true capacity of my character to change radically.

The power of being different is expressly aimed at the ability of character to change under the influence of a situation radically changed by the image that your reason creates in a bounded reality.

This is when your understanding breaks away and you enter the gray area of ambiguity – the amplification factor of self-instability. This is the critical time in your development as future leader that I call "neglect of vital-stimulatory function", the critical lucidity in relation to acceptance.

Thus, your horizons, instead of clarifying and expanding, they get ever closer to the zero-point, to that inner void,where no matter how much you spread new meanings, interpretations, lights and feelings, they do not reach a common denominator, they cannot touch. You come to find yourself in the position of the traveler who gets on a fast train,even he not knowing too well where he is going. You grope back and forth, until you wake up; then, you start over, until you lose yourself for good.

There is always place for ineffable, for mystery, for an unknown quantity hard to solve in the equation thoroughly built: self-knowledge-harmonization-evolution. For that, you must separate yourself from your perceptions of "void". Do not let you reason be strangled by coordinates required, but establish yourself other coordinates in accordance with the present requirements and those of your ability.

Letting reality overcome you is the testimony of a particular experience of the “fantastic” type, which has become a source of concern for all those who are trying to reconcile with the burden of a living without worries and without challenges.

The Continuous Oscilation Of Pendulums designates the revolt of the two consciences you must separate for your leadership to increase – that knowledge of light, wchich unceassantly guides you like a star, and that knowledge of darkness, which takes over your horizons, giving the impression that there is no escape, that you are somehow alone with yourself, with your anxieties and fears.

Adopt a new vision of yourself and your conscience, a new, bright vision, ridding yourself of negative emotions generated by fear of change. The world, as Darwin said, will belong to those adaptable, but also receptive to present and future requirements.

Perfect your evolution, without giving a false interpretation to self-knowledge.


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