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The Dark Shadow Of The Occasional Demon

On December 18, 2013, in Leadership Journal, by Neculai Fantanaru

Place on a higher pedestal the ability to understand yourself, so that you maintain the internal cohesion of your defining structure.

Everything was so intricate, dense as a globular cloud that once it invades your mind, impedes you from thinking clearly and fully appreciating your own thoughts. Gloomy, pierced in the bottom of your being by that feeling of domination that the conscious refuses, but can’t fight, I was clinging to some misleading appearances. To that changing minus that I couldn’t understand, that I couldn’t accept, making me to unreadily join a demonic delirium.

In this one-to-one relationship between disorientation and dizziness, which opened the way to the individual phenomenon of self-loss, the local sizes of the tolerance field harmoniously oscillated with the same pulsation, but with different initial phases. I had to make a distinction between those two perpendicular directions: a cause generative direction and an effect generative direction. And to clarify the authority and responsibility relations that I had with my defining entity.

I didn’t realize back then that, similarly to Faust, sold to the Devil, I was searching for impossible things. The Philosopher’s Stone of integration in a new structure of becoming, the potential cure of this disintegration tendency of the internal cohesion between my constitutive elements, was just a transitory measure in order to install a relaxing and calming mood. The pressure between reason and despair remained constant; it didn’t reach critical levels, nor dropped to the normal accepted level.

Leadership: Do you continue to live through what you have always been, denying what you are in a struggle with the deceptive appearances of a reality that stubbornly resists you?

Completely aware of what was happening to me, I retreated in my own disappointment, in the shadow of a demon, the creation of my own desperate mind, materialized in an intense self-displeasure. It became more and more impossible to cling to something, to an experience, to a reality, to a conviction, to a momentarily inspiration that offers me support in the doubts abyss created by my own thoughts and perceptions.

The reality experienced through the accumulation of question marks beyond natural urges to look at things differently than I thought I knew, and from where this attempt to resist misleading appearances, lies in the shadow of a certain kind of soul deformation such as "A life that lost its focus". It was a kind of weight in the darkness of an immense sadness, a convergence of inner fractures with the great fractures of preferences for finding untapped realms, with which my sensitivity tried to potentiate the intrinsic value of each thing examined in a wider context.

In order to become more self-assured, to reach for the heights of the ability to understand myself, to unite my strengths and values in a wholeness that makes it possible to centrally coordinate all the protection and command functions, I had to explore and discover new approaches of my inner world.

The direction of the interaction resultant with various overwhelming moods had to be identical with the direction of my own personality’s component forces. The resultant had to be balance.

Leadership: Do you continue to remain anchored in a deaf displeasure, without changing its effect, or are you ambitious to embrace the immense incidence of being yourself in the exercise of subjective temporality?

Man’s guiding light, the biggest trial of character and aptitude that wields personality, often conflicts with the individual phenomenon of losing one’s self, which manifests through a constant tension and discomfort feeling, through the lack of value and interest towards the surrounding world. This is the moment when uncertainty is triggered, when man retreats from his activity, annulling his will agreement. His Ego is another, a stranger, an indifferent unknown.

Man’s reality, arising from an immense conglomerate of motives, fears, fulfillments or refusals, is supported by these character innovation efforts with the purpose of facilitating access to discovering a beneficial and fertile field for life quality continuation. A limitless tendency towards self-knowledge, but also a materialization of the initiative regarding the apparition, in time, of a new way to perceive life experience; it can mean an enormous advantage for a human functional system that wishes to be improved.

Leadership takes on a new dimension given by taking into consideration the factor called "routine", transformed into a real drudgery at the existential level by individuals who can’t project in their thought area a support system. The stability of a direction focused, not on abstract, but on a tangible that "takes a fearless bite" of reality, can provide sufficient pertinent motivations and justifications regarding its discernment, stability and evolutionary level.

Leadership: Do you focus on what is important to surround yourself by looking at things from a number of possible alternatives, without showing your hidden powers in a hostile wasteland?

To continue living by examining things from a range of possible alternatives without showing your hidden powers in a hostile wasteland means accepting the terms of using a reality that extends beyond your understanding without thinking what people around you say.

The way a man acts or thinks can change in time, based on the nature of his internal processes that occur during the disorientation stage. Leadership will be of little efficiency in this case. Man can self-destruct if he can’t clarify his authority and responsibility relations with his defining entity, determining structural affinities between various ways of investigation and reflection upon reality, in which case, between what he is, what he thinks he is and what he has become.

Experience doesn’t always help you predict very clearly the apparition of these feelings and moods, determined by an accidental reality that can’t give clarity and coherence to the inner world. It’s as if you wanted to be the first one that shows his hidden powers in a hostile desert, semi-arid, and percutaneous enough for your way of life. If you don’t want to get lost in an unfriendly existential decorum, place on a higher pedestal the ability to understand yourself, so that you maintain the internal cohesion of your defining structure.

Leadership has no chance to expand if the man’s mind is hosted in an unfriendly and unconditional decorum. He can’t survive to all analysis and decision processes; he can’t allow human performance being evaluated, because everything is so intricate in this stage of self-negation. If you are planning to get involved in leadership, you will certainly experience new roles and responsibilities, but also new feelings, new manifestation trends.

The man who shows his hidden powers in a hostile wasteland is the same maker of worlds that investigates all aspects of reality by thinking about his life experience that repeatedly confirms that nothing is everything it seems to be and what seems to be nothing else than an image of your own subjectivity.

The dark shadow of the occasional demon describes that internal imbalance situation following a discrepancy, be it only temporary, between the defining structure of man and his capacity to understand some unpredictable and unanticipated situations.


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