The Principle Of The Constant Of Being (IV)
The way you relate to yourself determines the way you manifest yourself in the world.
I understood everything with a clarity that admitted no doubt, worrying like a threat for ages, like a somber prediction of the future. As if I would be revived, pierced by a divine inspiration, from an exhausting wandering, leading to damnation, which distorted the true sense of my own identity, channeling my present into a wrong direction.
In my tangled and unpredictable existence from that time, sprinkled with crumbs of feelings and confusing thoughts, it produced a profound change, une rupture de l'accord avec ma propre personnalité. A broken line that changed its direction randomly. I entered into the loop of a perpetual and tumultuous crisis of personality. Searches, betrayals, forgetfulness, retrievals, reflections, anxieties, without originating points, and without final moments. As if I had continued to live into an abandoned space, into an immature environment, insecure, quiet, drowned in ignorance.
Loaded with the entire burden of self-forgetfulness, under the silent and unconfessed pressure of a programmed life inscribed in a chronicle of non-fulfillment, I exposed myself to the danger of reviving a blameworthy status. I was incapable of revising and reflecting upon my plans, while using my knowledge in incoherent, non-functional ways.
Leadership: Can you impose your vision so that you discover the existence of an absolute reality that can keep your evolutionary process clear and relevant towards the fulfillment of a definitive purpose?
Like a man brutally thrown into another world, whose landscape changes with every descent or ascension of his own aspirations, I converted into a victim of contradictions, of anarchy, of rational abysses, of my own vulnerabilities that tormented me terribly, incessantly. I hid of myself for fear of committing an act whose consequences I could not foresee.
Only a secret code would be unraveled and cleared the cipher of all mysteries, which fall upon my being, like the waves of tsunamis that come one after another. It had to pass some time to banish the background images that consumed and turned myself into someone else, into a retrograde of the conformity of being present at a level where things are beyond words, and to restart my normal course, non-contradictory, of the positive thoughts.
Can you embrace the contrast between visibility and shadow, transforming every reversal into a revelation that shapes your rebirth and the plausible image of your being?
I was standing like that hero unjustified by fate of Stephen Crane, on a strange realm, where was haunting bravery. It happened falls, but in the end, I went out to the surface, passing through all tests. I was there, where the black of contempt reigned for everything involving my own way of being, escaping with minor injuries on my conscience. The space between the continuous and interrupted line that united me of what I could become, filling with the fire of maturation, of self- retrieval.
A psychoanalyst might say that I was in search of a lost identity by two - in one, that exchanged blows like two boxers. I engaged in a fight with myself. I evolved into an interior and a superior linked through a symbolic instance of an absolute reality. A variety of separation of any real reference that kept distance from who I really was. A braiding all forms of exclusion of any individuality, any agreement with myself, which was becoming more and more solid, as a color that has its origins in the other colors.
Slowly, I came out to the surface of the stuffiness of dense and black clouds, which veiled me in the inopportune moment. Finally, I was able to understand what I pretended not to understand, and keep pace with the circumstances through which passed.
I had to fill that part of me that remained in the past, examining myself in terms of what I imagined I did not know about me.
Leadership means consciously engaging in a process of rediscovery and reconciliation with one's own self, from which an authentic direction can spring forth, capable of inspiring and sustaining continuous transformation.
The principle of the constant of being aims at maintaining an inner coherence in the face of change, beyond identity challenges or contextual pressures, so that you can remain faithful to your essential values in the process of becoming. I say this because besides adaptability and lucidity, authenticity is not negotiable; you must reach a new level of personal consciousness that allows you to make choices in accordance with who you truly are.
