The First And The Last Wanderer From The Desert Of Shadows

Perfect your evolution, by placing your existence under the sign of Ego that defines and leads you to an ascending path.

I felt that something had to happen to the world that I created. Something, that could no longer be maintained, which could no longer be connected with my plans. Something, that could no longer be returned, which could no longer be recovered. Confused, I was willing to look for a revealing answer in all that continuous chaining of transformations, updates, extensions, conversions, which made possible my wandering in the labyrinth of existence that I heavily crossed it. All were the same and all were different. Strange and repetitive. Confusing and contradictory.

I felt complete stranger and lost, as a wanderer in the desert that seemed never to end up, in a torrid and dry land where no one survives. A desert of dense shadows that coldly enveloped all my senses, all my steps. My heart and soul. Which fully absorbed all my energies, all that I had positive in me, disturbing all my thoughts, one by one.

Just like a famous character of Dostoyevsky, I was about to break contact with the whole world, to get away from myself, to let everything go. And, as a man who categorically refuses any invitation from life, I was risking to retire myself in the solid shell of indifference, of the incomprehensible one. Of the weakness which puts you to silence.

Do you accept the status of being "yourself" in creating the content of thought that inspires you, beyond what you can access with the help of a reality that insists on opposing you?

I felt locked in myself, as if my inner world was the victim of some vicious attacks from the part of an unseen and hostile force, with a huge capacity of influence. A force that had a shot down effect, by the more powerful blows, as if put on "repeat". And that could always be decisive. A malignant force, un symptôme d'une maladie inconnue, of which I could not find anything. A discreet presence, but disturbing. Real or imagined?

A long time ago, I closed this topic because I had no choice. However, I cannot hide in me, endlessly, as a coward, what I felt so intensely, good or bad. I cannot let myself be caught in the vortex of the most characteristic phenomenon in my life, without understanding it, without sharing it with others. I cannot promise to me a full life, without finding answer to my own inner unrest. Especially when "She" the single force, definitely dedicated to the interruption of my ascension, was coming back. Each time more particular. More threatening.

Implacable ! I was subjected to a steadfast and durable influence, as a slave of his own convictions, running away from a force that cannot leave him. The biggest part of me felt outraged. I was trying to hide my fear and emotions, pretending that nothing happened to me, that I do not see the truth. However she was there, steadfast, waiting with clenched teeth, surrounding me like a malefic nimbus that manifested its action even stronger on me. I was not supposed to know her, but I was forced to feel her. Almost close, more and more impetuous.

I should have to decide right from the start one thing: who's the boss? I? Or, the Force, which comprised me in a strange consolation, propelling me gently to the mystery of my existence? I was put in front of the alternation: either I or she.

Are you the only access to who you truly are in a hypostasis from which is deducted the content of a life that is enclosed within itself?

You cannot lead others, and especially to teach those whom you lead to develop other leaders, if you fail to pass the test of maturity, "the transcending test". The existence awareness of the two sides of your being, successively and sometimes simultaneously, always creates confusion. As it clarifies the new way of thinking, of receiving the reality, as you explore different emotions, your existence will begin to change.

Leadership makes its "entry" into your life long before being properly a leader. During your evolution. When you deal with your Ego, with the inner world that defines you. There, where the meanders of your own evolution are very intricate, where the endless scope of your own thoughts and beliefs are unbalancing your existential balance when each of your feelings are misleading, only then starts the battle for self-knowledge.

Transcendence is possible as a widening of horizon, meaning extensively and in the direction of clarifying the depths of worlds in which you choose to introduce yourself through the power with which thoughts and emotions interact with an ideal beyond time.

Here you are confronted with the hypostasis of the superior man, the genius, who is constantly thirsty for that inherent knowledge, accumulated by the wise throughout the millennia, experiencing the drama of incompatibility with a person of a different inferior condition: you yourself, at a world level.

Do you succeed in bringing out something from yourself that you did not thought was higher than the reason you initially limited yourself to?

It is said that the leader, the man who longs to be his own master, is the architect of his own experience. However, nobody ever mentioned that, first of all, the man aspiring to the status of a leader is most of the time a wanderer. An anonymous, in the long and often dark journey towards his own nature, towards his own inner development.

The rocky border of the existence that defines you as a person and as a leader can be pierced, especially if you find a "gap" through which you can get inside an Alter-Ego superior. That gap is the mirror of your consciousness, which must be out of the purest crystal, always remembering who you were, who you are, and whom you could become.

The connection with the whole world can destabilize, if you shy away of yourself, if you stay away of the flaming arrows of your own thoughts and feelings. And the second Ego, the singular force designed to permanently discontinue your ascent, will overwhelm you, destroying any of your privilege that you can use for personal advancement.

The existence awareness of another side, of the second Ego, successively and simultaneously, will create confusion at the beginning. The first Ego will encourage you by saying, and repeating, strengthening your belief that you can rise to the desired level of excellence. The second Ego as a discreet presence, but troubling, will put you under pressure, will put under lock any of your attempts to know yourself, by reminding you how unclear is to be yourself, causing you to lose your "coordinates".

What you can bring forth through introspection, as an attempt to look at yourself only from the perspective of the identity that only posterity can find fascinating, is the very condition of the existence of the superior man: to recognize yourself through the "Other You".

The First And The Last Wanderer From The Desert of Shadows is yourself, in the long and arduous journey towards balance, towards understanding your own Ego, of the past, the present, and the future of that Ego - that needs some coordinates to be defined. However, for this you will have to pass, like a wandering, through those watershed moments that will induce changes in the course of your life. This implies, inevitably, at some inwardly renunciations and transformations.

In football, the refinement of leading the ball and the seduction of passing find their standard assessment by the goals scored. Likewise, the knowledge of your own Ego and the personality pattern, in which you get to fit, find their balance standard in personal confidence that you acquire during "wanderings" on the sinuous road towards the mystery of your existence.

Perfect your evolution, by placing your existence under the sign of Ego that defines and leads you to an ascending path.

Conclusion: More or less, we are all self-analytical. Those with a developed analytical mind are better understanding the consequences of their own wanderings through the labyrinth of their lives, at the same time, drawing lessons from them.

For everyone the best friend will always remain their own Ego but at the same time the worst enemy. Both poles must work together, so that the man would have an ascending path. This thing is essential in leadership.