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I Will Recognize Myself When I Will Be The Same

On January 22, 2021, in Top Leadership, by Neculai Fantanaru

Try to access your inner world from the offer of an outer world that you are tempted to move away from when you recognize yourself as its prisoner.

I came home from the Tudor Vladimirescu neighborhood on foot, without being visible in this whole world except for myself, for the one who was changeable and remained unchanged in a kind of constant thinking, sensitivity, unitary faith. I didn’t think about anything on the road, not even how I felt, nor what I wanted, nor what I was. Yes, surely, as if I were to think intensely about something, I would have discovered something interesting…

And seeing as how I wasn’t thinking about anything anyway, because nothing catches you and surprises you when you are empty inside, especially when you feel that you have real affinities with some wandering character extracted from the works of Mika Waltari, I looked around with the silent gaze of nothingness, when everything seemed to be taken from an inner state, from the need to pay attention to something that is secondary to something main. Well, in the face of deep thought, the emptiness of nothingness cannot be reached, especially when in the background is the affinity for the experience of a loss in the crowd as anonymous, the soothing loneliness of the soul, the intrinsic measure of human value.

From time to time a car passed by, one made a muffled background noise, like a rumble, which intensified during acceleration. The street was lit with a dim light, dull, slightly diffused, and it seemed as gloomy as the weather. And no noise took me away from my peace, no light rejoiced me, did not let me be carried away by the cool caress of a night that would have wanted to look for its stars in a sky full of stillness, the same sky from which someone would could have looked upon me as upon a fixed point in the flight from the phenomena of life.

Leadership: Can the message of your inner world strike a balance in the relationship between permanence and change, insofar as circumstances do not establish a different interpretation of present reality?

The good part is that my mind was still there, my heart was still there, even if my mood was far from what I expected to see, to feel, to meet. Rather, I was anchored in a deep unitary depth, that is, I became acquainted with the essential features of the echo of a world that lies on the verge of choosing between a bunch of strangers and a bunch of alternatives, all numb with an expensive boredom, a cold wind, an early exit with valences of abandonment.

It took a way out of the tight chains of the ego for me to feel like someone else, closer to the vision of a tolerant, open attitude, of acceptance and natural understanding of the relationship between the present and the absent. A kinship with the latter truth was needed:

Everything around you and everything that concerns you is the expression of a transition from thinking to the consciousness of your presence at the point of intersection between permanence and change. You are always where you feel yourself, unconstrained by any convention and custom. I think this is the definition of authenticity: to be yourself without any effort, without masks, without compromises, without the approval of others. Be yourself without any imposition from the outside.

In the end, I think that peace is what really characterizes me, it helps me to stay focused, to have a clear mind and vision. Maybe there is a vision in my mind that concentrates my thoughts and cleanses them of impurities, an expression of the call from a metaphysical plane, or a fixed point where I concentrate my entire effort to understand life.

By extrapolating the present, I and only I count. The silence is still in force. In fact, this is the message of my inner world that can strike a balance in the relationship between permanence and change:

I count only for my potential to experience the same moment of lucidity in any given place, with the same impetus to breathe clean oxygen without stopping, and in the same impulse of thought to embrace both the abstract and the concrete.

I Will Recognize Myself When I Will Be The Same, even if circumstances lead me to believe that I am different, channeling my thoughts into gratitude for a change that must continue only to test my patience and faith.

That’s the only way I’ll feel good, doing whatever the feeling dictates to me – and it dictates that I stay the same.


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