Don't Try To Run Away From Yourself

Affirm your fidelity to the demands of an autonomous thinking, remaining devout to the values of communicating with yourself at a higher level.

There was within me a sort of unpleasant curiosity, like the tip of a poisoned arrow, transforming increasingly more into suffering. A perpetual fall into a state of connection to a sort of occult science, referring to a ubiquitous power with which I had a special connection, which I tried to maneuver, to surpass with the power of that breath of inspiration of the painter endowed with the gift of showing the world in its vastness.

In a way, I was examining my existence by manifesting certain questions I would often ask myself: What can I know of something far away? From the perspective of what superior power of understanding would I have been able to find the convergence point with this strange matter? Through the intensity of which field of values could I have explained, like a hint of finding new laws of evolution, the escape from the décor of my inner space?

But the wait for answers was met with nothing at its end.

Because the desire to learn the truth was the mobile of my thinking and of all facts that preceded it, with it I had to start the great search, from this point of view, trying to figure out if I depended on the values that exist independent from someone or something, on some force beyond myself. But, first of all, as any man devout to a scientific thinking, I had to remain devoted to the values of a communication with myself.

Do you attach yourself to a continuous challenge to fight against a force beyond yourself, which you bear while you yourself go through a crisis of authority?

The struggle I was leading was as though against a reductionism of the complexity of ontological content and of a unilateral narrative lost in the contemplation of the same reality. Had I become the subject of stimulating self-discovery, or testimony of the faculty of being determined in something or someone else? It is because of this I dare to often give myself a piece of advice, perhaps surprising those who understand me, which will save me from a nasty refuge into a regressive situation, of which I am disgusted. Here it is:

Always be mindful of what enslaves you through dependency and commands you to live with the need of comparing yourself through the enigma it represents !

Thus, I had reached the invisible rope of the inability to understand what is accomplished through the reason that only exists to explain a final consequence, in terms of retreating within myself. Intensely, I felt the suffering the heroine from John Fowles’ novel went through, isolated in a narrow room by a butterfly collector.

"He is inferior to me in all aspects. His only superiority consists in the power to keep me here. He has no other power. He cannot behave, talk, nor do anything else better than me – not by far – so he will continue to remain the Elder of the Sea until, somehow, I will manage to escape him."

Curiosity is a part of the inability to figure out who you are, which sets in when you try to attach yourself to a continuous challenge to fight against a force higher than yourself, which you bear while having yourself a crisis of authority. In fact, such a crisis occurs when someone or something is trying to take control of your life, and the Ego cannot endure the defeat of being in a state of futility, so when your thinking does not have access to the truths of a world that you think you know.

Are you in the presence of an “Ego” which, thirsting for its own importance, has enriched its memory with a vast informational material gathered from a thinking that strives to reveal everything a priori?

Ask God who He is, and the question mark will turn back at you like a boomerang: Who are you? You will manage to get rid of Him only when you will manage to escape yourself.

This is the purpose of a man who experiences "I’ll find myself in the endless oceans of the mind": to clarify that lack of clarity between what exists in reality and what doesn’t exist, but puts his existence into order.

This lack of clarity confirms your interest in gaining a certain authority over your own being from the point of view of the support the supreme truth offers: the moment you compare yourself to something or someone above your understanding, on which you end up depending on, you begin to rise above your level of reference.

A thinking that strives to reveal everything a priori is a variant of accepting a sequence of thoughts, emotions, sensations and beliefs in order to produce a revelation that changes the outlook on the world around us.

Don’t Try To Run Away From Yourself is the urge I hear most often uttered by the people with leadership qualities.

Leadership is a science that needs the attestations of a supreme truth that encompasses you, in order to develop through the act of getting close to what you do not know.

In order to turn leadership into an ensemble of knowledge that will include as a dominant piece a rationality based on the experience of addressing the dependence on a force higher than yourself, in the steady search for a truth that you feel, but cannot express, you must take advantage of being the prisoner of a turning point moment. When you feel the need for a comparison that will give birth to a stronger Ego, a created identity you no longer want to give up.