Ioana Sarah (VI)

Learn to observe your own mind in ordinary life situations, and then in situations in which the self receives and structures the informational contents about itself and the world.

Nicu, you go to dancers’ parties every weekend, I saw the pictures with you on Instagram. However, I don’t like this kind of fun… if you like it, that’s all that matters ! What does it matter what we like? The important thing is that something moves things in one direction. They do not stand still as the rocks do, nor do they go back like crabs. I’m happy for you. I don’t like such activities, if you like them, I can only be happy. I was in Herăstrău Park today… it was a beautiful day. I will not go out in the park until April, it is still dark at 19:00. Well, the day is big. You still have work to do. Yes, this is also an option…

You drove me crazy. I’m not passionate about this kind of fun. I understand you like it, but I don’t like it. I’m learning what I want. You go there and be happy. I don’t like places where you step on your feet and scream at each other. I understand you like it, but I don’t like it. However, Ioana, know that winter passes more easily this way. It doesn’t have to be easy. Everyone spends their time as they please. It’s not about the season. You can do the same in the winter. If you have someone with you. I don’t think you understand. I’m not interested in these videos or pictures you take at parties. Don’t send them to me. Enjoy them yourself. I know, I say this earlier. They took a while to load. I don’t mind seeing them.

But for me, life is in two. Not in a pile. And here are two at a time. I was just saying two by themselves. Not looking at each other. If I want to move, I go to the gym. I don’t like gatherings of people that make fools of themselves. But, you know, dancing is also a sport. Perfect, but I prefer meetings where you talk, look at yourself, surprise yourself. Not screaming and bodies that emanate desires. I am built differently. Sensuality. That’s what you’re missing, Nicu. I don’t resonate with this. I show sensuality to whoever I want. Not to the empty crowd. I’m not missing anything. I’m whole. Pleasant. Loved. I just choose where and with whom and especially when. Don’t rush to opinions. You don’t know me.

Are you aware of things that are going well and try to rebalance the negative-positive balance a bit so that you can change the plan of your decisions based on other events given to sensitivity that “sees and hears too much”?

I’m in town now, walking alone. You? I’m on my laptop, I’m caught up with some projects until the party at 9:00 p.m. You just had to mention the party. What does party mean? Music that shatters your eardrums? Women and men who mimic well-being? Is anyone really happy there? Parties are great, otherwise I wouldn’t go. It’s just kind of ruining my sleep. I haven’t been to any in the last 2 weeks. I’m sure they’re fine, congratulations. I’ll be there up to 11:30, something like that. Stay as long as you want. I don’t like random gathering and noise. You like to be alone. I am at the moment when I like to be alone and with the one I like. I don’t want much noise for anything. Stay alone like this, let me know when you’re ready to change something. Be it that I am enough for one, and he enough for me. I think you’re fighting hard to be by his side…

I don’t fight much to be by his side if he doesn’t want to, I don’t fight for anyone, if I don’t deserve to fight. I want us to take equal steps towards each other and to fight to keep each other. Then that’s it. I’ve seen this before; I’ve heard this before. Only words. That’s what I want. What I aspire to. As much as it is, that’s how I accept it. When it’s gone, then I leave. Yes, you are a dreamer. The same story everywhere. I’m not dreaming. I’m in a beautiful, beautiful story with someone. Everyone sees themselves in a story. I don’t see myself, I really am. I’m not talking crazy.

You are right. I said it to you just because. It doesn’t matter what you think. Then, if it doesn’t matter, why are you telling me? What you think neither helps me nor confuses me. I told you the truth, if you don’t believe it, it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that I’m not dreaming. I always prefer reality, facts, not words.

There are people who only need us. If we find them, we’re lucky. Initially we are attracted to a face, then we discover the rest, soul, thought, if it is what we want we stay, if not, just one face is not enough. I like both man and soul in this case. And the face. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’ll see how long it takes. I hope you find someone in your soul at the party. You always limit yourself to yourself. What you like, what you prefer, how you are… etc.

Can you look at yourself by expressing a sensitivity that cannot be virtualized into objects, according to a reality that leaves too much of a discrepancy between lucidity, dreaming, and self-suggestion?

Are you thinking about the other person? I’m thinking of the other person, otherwise the mechanism wouldn’t work. Know that I envy you. Yes, it’s a huge deal as well, this envy, as if something eludes your grasp and you can’t quite put your finger on what it is exactly, because you confuse yourself with my being, with my attitude, you confuse yourself with the price caught between self-esteem and the quality of intimate life. It is absolutely dangerous to confuse yourself so frequently with the role you’re playing, because it could become an obsession and later, it will resemble the schizophrenia of reality and existence that leaves for too big of a discrepancy between lucidity, dream and self-suggestion.

Don’t you understand that I don’t resonate with these parties? To me they are nothing, zilch. I’m not passionate about such encounters. What’s so impressive about it? You’re definitely missing something you need. But at least I’m not alone at home. This is true. I really apologize for what I said. I’m glad you’re there. You’re right, too. Stay calm, no couples are created here. It’s just a matter of time. That’s all. I understand. It’s funny. I had 2 choices for the 8th of March. One was to teach for a few hours at school, and the other was to go out with a friend. I don’t think I’ll choose anything. I’ll see. I have nothing to choose from. You don’t, but I have a choice. And I don’t choose. I expect to leave town every week, but I’m waiting for the weather to warm up a little. I really hate the snow and the cold.

In my case, I have about a month left of dance classes. When it gets hot outside, I stop. Dancing is also a sport, and what a sport it is, it requires all the muscles, although some do not realize it. It’s also cardio. Can you believe it? I have a different opinion. Dancing doesn’t really require the physical, only the mental. In winter. Yes, winter passes more easily, that’s about it. I’d rather you’d called me; it would’ve been better than asking me why I go dancing. Okay, I’ll call you next time. It’s a little late now.

Leadership is the language you use in a moment of existence that highlights the lucidity with which you observe your inner experience, so that what surrounds you does not represent an anger directed at the self.

Ioana Sarah introduced me to the following important thing: look for the character of man and you will find his ability to suddenly open his soul by using the most common language of words. Someone was right on a webpage:

“It’s not hard to find the wrong side of a person; the hard part is finding the right side of a person. We often look at these parts together. We do this to help them feel positive, to be aware of things that are going well, and to try to rebalance the negative-positive balance a little bit.”