The Blessed Tranquility After A Chaotic Fever
Avoid the alternatives for "to be", which could jeopardize the sense of your real identity, eliminating the unnatural of your inner fulfillment.
Two gentlemen take Laura Quinn’s and lead her to the immense deposit of diamonds. And it suddenly happens ! A thrill ! Stupefaction ! Anxiety ! Fright ! It stops immediately. She can barely breathe. She looks around. To her left and to her right, a total chaos, as if the place was crossed by a true tornado. All the boxes were empty; the diamonds were nowhere to be seen. They completely disappeared !
And still, this sad, unexpected sight lures Laura through a curiosity that incites her senses, impatiently wishing to vibrate, awakening in her the instinct of finding a mystery.
You can read her true mood on her face, that signalement of ecstasy, but also of profound deception, of surprise, of agony, of the impossible. All her thoughts race in her mental sphere, shuddering thoughts that can’t be shaped into words. These very different feelings suddenly invade her overheated brain, creating a state of artificial, chaotic fever that rises gradually. The true personality alternations happen instantaneously.
Does your presence in search of a better world determine you to wonder what else you have left from condensing experiences that have hurt you more than you could have sustained?
Laura falls in an uncertain dimension, full of unpredictable, feeling more and more uncomfortable. Dark thoughts pulsate at her temples with the power of a typhoon, generating a state of despair. A fantastic irritation of the nerves that attack the muscles, leading to temporary paralysis. Through an unstable chemical combination, the elements that generate the tension state are arranged in a different order, enhancing the probability of side effects occurrence.
She becomes trapped in a suffocating silence. A kind o mysterious power that we don’t know about, turns to stone her every cell, making her tumble in an agonizing cascade of energy – equal to a power surge that can’t ensure a basic potential able to open the junction between the "True" and "False" areas.
Basically, Laura enters that horrible state of uncertainty, due to a great enigma. How could this happen? A word harshly lingers in her mind: How? How? How?
All the internal gathering of defining elements automatically rebels through a form of communication and relating, needing a certain decoding, a disclosure, a presentation of some actual states. Everything becomes very crowded in Laura. Everything strange to her knowledge generates an abnormal curiosity.
Do you have to coexist with your defects and qualities so you can appreciate all your good parts, taking into account that state of consciousness generated by your own values?
Oh, if I were able to pierce into this unquenched curiosity and fully control it ! This mystery of all mysteries that lives and seems to mock me, that has me as its main character. To feel connected to it, to tame it and finally to order it !
I do not know what my eyes see, what my conscience whispers to me, what my heart begs me to find out. I am very small, I get lost in a maze of clues and inter-connections, in a dazzling vortex of backstage plays. I am thrown in a puzzle of psychological games and permanent uncertainty. I tremble because of the impatience, uncertainty and worry. To find the truth ! Come on, show yourself ! Show yourself, you coward, parasite, people scarecrow ! Let’s talk ! Where are you? I planned the robbery, how can you of all things deceive me, truth?
The perfume of the inexplicable surrounds Laura as a bitter layer of fragility and helplessness. But who should she be angry with? Her incontestable individuality is completed and accentuated by her contact with this way of feeling, with this new quadrant of the unlikelihood that discloses her inner mechanics, the splendid duality between void and matter, between known and unknown, between true and false.
A sparrow left itself prey to the unforeseeable, exposing itself to some thwarting currents. It experienced uncertainty, risk and its darkest fears. O complete confusion separated it from the two main constancies: "to be" and "not to be". Her values remain thin as endless pins. Lying, falsity, and worry are experienced as failures that question the personal consecration of God, transformed into an ambiguous attitude toward what is happening to her, in an attitude that is not condemned by a mute abandon.
Do you find yourself in a compelling attitude of an exemplary life experience that repeats itself to the illusion that you represent the trophy of a farewell moment from what you have done before?
The uncanniness of your inner perfection confirms the presence of spiritual pain in the midst of unexpected events, causing you to continue to trust yourself in a prediction like “if it is not white, then it is black”. The only strength that Laurel has left is ambition, she works and deals with a certain thing she wants to accomplish without making a theory out of everything.
Talking about leadership in these circumstances, of futility, of inner void and despair, is similar to trying to define happiness through very poor words in expressing its essence. I have to take into account the state that man experiences when he felt that his happiness is not shared by his other half: consciousness.
Like Laura Quinn, you may feel a prisoner in your own life, perhaps due to wrong choices, finding the only way to escape belonging to a series of values that are not necessarily Christian, but which are necessary for a kind of excuse “I was stupid that I did not accept to change in time”. However, after you’ve gone through everything you’ve been through, you’ve learned to rid yourself of thoughts that are running continuously, to be more aware of what you are doing.
But do not fall under the illusion that you represent the trophy of a farewell moment from what you have done before, because you will never forget what changed you, just as you will never forget how it all began.
Leadership is what you feel you can sacrifice on a spiritual level without compromising that state of consciousness generated by the achievement of values of great significance in what progress is in life and in the profession: opening up to novelty, tolerance and responsibility.
The Blessed Tranquility After A Chaotic Fever describes that complex state of "being", which has to be reinstated; the essential condition of bettering the being, challenged by a disorganized delirium of feelings, produced by a mistaken perception of a certain situation or of one’s own Ego.
If you want to understand yourself, avoid the alternatives of "being" that could jeopardize the meaning of your real identity. Eliminate the unnatural from your inner fulfillment.
As cells are the vital parts of life, so are the various, multiple, complex aspects of the stressful situation you’re in, vital parts of the course of your self-knowledge and evolution process towards a conscious leadership.
* Note: Flawless (2007)
