The Pain Of Mastery's Imperfection

Whenever you will make a great step towards perfection, your soul will be put to a hard test.

One day, Mr. Selder, joyful and eager to see again master Dürer, invited him to his house. This one gladly accepted the invitation and made his appearance at the established time. You could see from the very beginning that the master was no longer the man he used to be, young, ambitious, with an extraordinary work power, with a wide and intuitive vision on the future, although he was still the most famous and talented drawer and painter in Germany.

His hands with long fingers, marked by the diluents and paints, betrayed his modest work, which he still practiced with pleasure and pride. By his aristocratic looks, by the way he talked, one could see that was a true thinker, a man gifted with much wisdom and very educated.

Master Eimer, that was also visiting Mr. Selder, together with him, hiding his embarrassment, started to speak in praise of him and to laud his art.

Dürer, a little bit ashamed, trying to smooth down their impetus, told them on a grave voice:

- Maybe I'm looking for perfection, that perfection only a straight line or a circle have, that is why I am never satisfied with half measures. A line wrongly drawn destroys my drawing and I must repeat it again and again forever, and I almost don't like my early works any more, although, at that time, I rode many times to Bologna in order to take perspective lessons. But perfection only exists in God. Everything earthly lacks something, that is why I feel the pain of my mastery's imperfection.

Can you capture your baggage of knowledge from the distance of a creation that challenges your commitment to provide yourself an efficient experience of motivating the self?

Even complete people have sorrows, even they suffer. But their suffering, especially artists' suffering, most of the time, consists in their not being able to achieve perfection of even getting close to it, fearing more than anything that, one day, the sun of their greatness and splendor will die.

The fear from feeling humiliated and petty, especially at an advanced age, when they frequently make errors, gets ahold of their spirit, turns them into the prisoners of their own aspirations, not being able to control their own destinies. From being active, they molder, they lose the impulse that they once had to improve their performances, to accomplish their objectives, even though they are open-minded and spirited, and they fall into a state of melancholy, almost stunning, having their thoughts more and more scattered.

The more a man knows more and is more masterly, the more he is suffering.

The greatest fear of master Dürer, who, besides being gifted with an extraordinary artistic talent and a wide and deep vision on human nature, was that he would never rise to the level of his very large expectancies.

The more he knew, the more he learned, the more he wanted to be perfect in everything that he did. A circle, a line, should they not be perfectly drawn, it meant he had to take from the start all over again, disappointed, looking at himself with a critical eye, regretting, feeling tired, worried. If a spot of color or nuance didn't match the image he wanted to create, the painting would be considered a failure, meaning that he would take it from the start all over again, just like Sisyphus, in a new attempt, perhaps more fortunate.

Can you live with the regret of the compromise of bearing the negative effects of an excess of perfection, and at the same time stay with the conviction that you have overcome a great weight that few can push?

The pain felt in the soul by the one who wants to achieve perfection when stumbling upon imperfection, when acknowledging that he doesn't rise to the height of his own expectations, prevents him from expressing himself, developing himself at maximum capacity, determining him to become more uncertain.

Such a man is ready to become the pray of sorrow, always carrying his pain in his heart, until what he tries to accomplish comes out perfectly. To make mistakes is a sin for a complete man, maybe not a deadly sin, but certainly one, which is not forgivable.

The great weight that few can push is to maximize your potential for re-use of the action in the pursuit of perfection.

And who may save a soul dominated by such a sin? Who could encourage, caress, and enliven a soul possessed by a relentless hunger for perfection, but a hunger always haunting him and that he cannot satisfy? Who is it and where is that wonderful angel who can energize the mind of a man crying for absolute perfection, bringing him back to normality?

Can your bright successes be interpreted as an indication of limiting the potential of exploiting creative inspiration, and thus, lowering the pressure placed on maintaining a position of balance?

Every leader has certain expectation, certain ideals and certain obsessions. Napoleon Bonaparte, just like Alexander the Great and other exceptional leaders, had a magnificent obsession, and you can easily guess what was that: to rule the world. Just like an artist in search of perfection, Napoleon, whose ability to lead could not be questioned, couldn't afford to make any mistake.

The more victories he registered, the greedier he became for power, and, at the same, any failure would throw him a step backward. He used to say for himself: "How could I lose a battle? I, Napoleon?" Then, angrily, somewhat bound by his own conscience, he cast again in the vortex of battle, with an impetus defying any limit, with a much more dynamic spirit, until he would win the victory, no matter the cost he would pay.

Pity that any bravery story has an ending, just as any art has delimitations and conventions. Napoléon's love for power and his inability to reach his goals produce a big pain in his soul. His poignant inner suffering, greatly because of his endless hunger of being the absolute master of Europe and, if possible, the entire world, have produced and increased his illness.

How does your relationship with morality affect the relationship between "achieved successes" and "initial claims of having creative freedom"?

People with a very strong will, who devote their entire life to one ideal - the perfection, seek to be perfect in everything they do, in everything they seek. And I personally believe that it is every person's duty to try to be the best in his field of activity. But every high aim corresponds to an intense inner unrest. Whenever somebody will make a great step towards perfection, his soul will be put to a hard test.

Of course, great leaders linger for perfection, raising the bar of their standards higher and higher and, of course, they enforce it to the people on their team. Setting an accelerated and intense pace may have beneficial effects only within the collectives made up of people with the same objectives, the same training and same quality standards (and not only). But if they are not identical to the "prototype" called leader, they may tear down, both them and their leader.

True perfection means keeping in balance what concerns your will and motivation of being consistent in managing the asset called: self-esteem.

As an internet user had well put: "Self-esteem is the way we evaluate ourselves in relation to our own expectations and with others, being directly proportional to the awareness of our own value."

Conclusion: A man who wants to ascend his work to the level of art, a man seeking perfection in everything he does, must adjust his level of standards, his pace and intensity of activities, otherwise he will have a feeling of frustration and even guilt when he will find that he still has imperfections or that he doesn't have the possibility of reaching his own standards.

Are you honest and objective enough regarding the ability to achieve very high standards?

* Note: Mika Waltari - Mikael Karvajalka, Editura Polirom, 2005.