The Spark Between The Contrast Poles

Configure your existential path, without distorting the amplification factor of your own evolution.

I found myself in the situation of a wanderer placed in a world without frontiers, chaotic and fragmented, looking for something to believe in and attach myself to. Without any direction, I felt caught in a context dominated by contradictions and paradoxes, a slight disconnection from a savory habit. The difficult challenge I went through could be perceived as the slow melting of a continuous motivation, of an energy that filled me up, until it overflowed, a decrease of my ability of understanding things, the world, time, and especially of the Man within me.

Sometimes life is an attempt to render the impossible of a relationship with a wider world in an uninterrupted carousel rotation. Somehow, I was living the feeling of disconnection from the element that defined me, that fulfilled me, gushing from me like a spring, but continually flowed in the opposite direction of the normal course. Was the result of a conflict with myself, misleading like a storm that dissipated my inner peace. The intensification of a hypertrophied Ego, extremely confusing and vulnerable.

Leadership: Do you have the ability to rise again from a process of decline and regression as a sign of inner strength and vision in the midst of confusion?

Something that was dispelling in an infinite space, and then returned. A diminution of the energy that reached zero, then starting to rise again, but in the opposite direction. After reaching a new maximum value, opposite the first, decreased again reaching zero. A cycle that was repeating more often, more disjointed, more unpredictable, to strengthen that unnatural of my evolution, in order to fool me more and more - the adverse effect of a suspended judgment, of an unintended reaction.

I could no longer distinguish the truth from false, the illusion of the reality. The one, who would be studied me carefully, a fine observer as Dostoevsky or Balzac, would be placed me in a context, permeated by confusions, unfavorable to my previous intellectual curiosity, amplified by the inability of learning, of cultivating myself in all senses. The demon of confusion abusively enveloped my knowledge, my whole being, affecting more and more my degree of profitability and the factors, on which depended leadership.

An assembly of regression and rapid involution that brings gloomy predictions, characteristic to that hard and tense moment, like a violin string, thin and sharp, more visibly reflecting a form of despair taken to the limit. An assumed error? A warning? Un temporisation of my capacities led to the extreme?

Leadership: Can you look at yourself from a perspective broader than that of your own life, identifying yourself with a reality whose strength is its tendency to oppose any form of understanding?

No one could have understood the logic of my life except by aiming at the ideal of a cause free of emotional tension, questioning the concept of “advanced reality”. Just as Gobsec, the moneylender from Balzac's work was playing with his victims, all those people, tormented by shortcomings that come desperately to borrow money from him, in the same way, I felt that someone is playing with me, dominating me by his superiority.

A malignant will, usurious, a major awareness, deceptive, questioning me with cruelty, attracting me forcibly, like a magnet, only to soak avidly and the last drop of light from me, the depth of my own thinking, the core of my identity. A failure of my functioning? Life is a reality crafted by an engineer doing wonders and sharing his inventions through a denial: nothing of what you think you know about the world is yours and what you know about yourself turns into uncertainty and suspicion.

Something unfair and exaggerated in the middle of my knowledge. An electrical phenomenon, like an aurora borealis, which causes an intense sensation, but stormy. An overcurrent in the installation, which lit suddenly the huge LED of my progress and evolution, then turned it off shortly, without having the chance to give a "restore". The spark between the contrast poles, the signal of a state of uncertainty, a desire of exploiting the reality, quickly transformed into a blaze, then extinguishing just as easy as it appeared, in the dark.

Something was distorting the amplification factor of my own evolution. I was obsessed by the idea of possessing more and more science. Yet, tormented by this feeling with very fine cogs, of the uselessness and abandonment, I was awaiting for the redemptive comeback. A red LED that blink on and off repeatedly – to an external electric influx.

A reality whose strength lies in its tendency to oppose any form of understanding is an entity governed by eternal laws, unknown to the common man, an unseen entity and whose principles of operation remain a mystery to the world. And that’s exactly what I was trying to do: to face a reality that assaulted my vision of the world.

Leadership: Do you give in to the predestination of belonging to an existence that constantly changes reality, at least as a possibility of experiencing a way of knowing what is not commonly known?

Do you let yourself caught in a context dominated by contradictions and paradoxes? What is the factor that contributes to the slow melting of your continuous motivation to be better? Do you live the feeling of disconnection from the element that defines you? Do you place your identity in a context permeated by confusion? What exactly distorts the amplification factor of your own evolution?

If you do not want to live the feeling of disconnection from the element that defines you, then defend your Ego. Be aware of your limitations in those situations where you are making fast steps towards better understanding the meaning of content, integrating it into your own value system and giving it personal meanings. Do not hurry, and do not diminish the energy in your way to become more efficient.

Just as hypertension increases the vulnerability of your body to the extreme weather conditions, so and you, if you let yourself shrouded by uncertainty in your way of perceiving and interpreting reality, your way of functioning will fall below the degree of acceptance of things that can be changed. Your personality will have to counteract a permanent jarring of thoughts and external reactions to all kinds of stimuli coming and going. A permanent rippling, an interference that never lets you advance towards perfection.

To experience a way of knowing what is not generally known is to dwell in a captivating, resourceful story whose mysterious subject is your own mind that you want to stretch beyond its borders.

The spark between the contrast poles reveals the existence of that conflict between reality and the ability to understand it, which may cause stagnation and even involution.

When you try to better understand yourself through the perspective of what you are experiencing, by placing emphasis on an intellectual and immaterial cause that makes one thing to be what it is, and the means by which you want to know it, you have to ask yourself: how much does it come from reality and how much of consciousness? What exactly is ephemeral and what is constant?