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The Well-hidden Secret Behind The Contraries (I)

On May 29, 2013, in Leadership N6-Celsius, by Neculai Fantanaru

Redefine the way in which others relate to you, so that you can catch the essential subtleties which define their identity.

Laura Quinn. It seems like it was yesterday when she didn’t even notice you. But now her voice is surer, completely different, more decided, more motivated. Surprising, isn’t it? On her face, a muscle twitches visibly, an intense emotion is shaped, and this fact confirms a connection with the mystery I am trying to solve for some time now.

Gavin Finch. I allow myself to continue the investigation, imagining the world of this woman based on how she relates to me. I feel something suspicious, incriminating, a danger, which floats around her. She finds herself too much somewhere else, rather than where she should be. She gets too close to me, yet sometimes she is too further away. Inconsistence ? Doesn’t she know what she wants ? Or does she know it all too well? Her behavior misleads me.

She likes waiting. She feels my doubtful look pointed at her, waiting impatiently for that sole escape, that unique and faint emotion which could give her away. Which could decipher her whole history and the whole mystery of the story. And I feel how she shudders around me, she’s scared of what I might find out. My temper and my steel-cold attitude, exacting like a threatening blade which goes in slowly, but surely in the open wound, induce a latent state.

I vibrate with admiration towards the dynamic authority of her will, towards her multiple faces which she displays in various situations. It is worth it to know her better, namely to subject her to my attention.

From the very first second I felt she’s as strong as I am. She will never be able to subject me to her will, just as I am perfectly sure I will never fully subject her to mine. A kind of persistence that doesn’t forgive, a will that crosses any obstacles, a special experience, a natural supremacy on both sides.

This is what connects us and draws us closer to each other. But at the same time prevents us from expressing our true intentions and thoughts. One of us must to let it go, must have an escape in this challenging war of contraries. Who would that be? *

Leadership: The doors that open only on the inside

What superior thing are you hiding in yourself? Are you strongly connected to the virtue of lifting the unknown on the highest peaks? Are you using a constraining ace in order to enhance trust in yourself? Is something invisible commanding your every move?

Leadership can rise up only when man wins the fight with himself. When you take your time and you take the risk to get closer to people and to let them get closer to you, it can happen that you fall in an unfavorable extreme. Especially when they are somewhat superior to you, this awareness of the helplessness to be at the same level with them drives you towards an unnatural evolution, with a tendency towards imbalance.

In order to apply leadership, you must first get closer to the people, to know them and make them trust you. Enhancing trust in your own strength must be based on the experience of a major ace and a kind of placing yourself over the majority. Don’t hide behind of some so-called character pluses, because this can have an opposite effect, determining a reduction of self-esteem, and enhancing sensitivity.

Your desperate and resigned image in front of your irreversible ending, but also in front of the inability to be more than you are, has a special impact on the others. Their only victory over you, their only possibility to know you better depends on the way you relate to them.

I remember this passage from the novel "Doctor Basilius" by Alexandre Dumas, Jacques says to Eva: "Here, you are at home; the doors open only on the inside. When you leave them open, it means that I am allowed to enter."

What happens to you in relation to others, that relative lack of communication and interaction which turns you into a man with multiple faces and contours, always subject to doubt, can be very destructive.

If you want to be excluded from the circle of "suspects" leave the doors to your world open, allow people to know you better. Mutual knowledge is the way from sympathy to empathy.

Leadership: How long do you have the courage to play hide and seek with yourself?

Working with the substance of reality, I would admire, for example, someone who, in a single battle with himself manages to conquer the two essential chapter of his evolution: the first, in which he strongly supports his convictions, the second, in which he necessarily proves that he strongly applied the results.

And I would throw things back at him when, beyond what he knows about himself, doesn’t manage to break the walls of the inability to be himself. I would seriously point a finger at him because he disappoints by ignoring the essential elements which guarantee his good performance.

When you feel that you can no longer fight for the ideals and goals you have set for yourself, when you feel that your life has no meaning because you are guilty for any crime or for any unauthorized maneuver, when you feel that the others around you take points from you when it comes to trust, in this case you are forced to adopt a position which undermines to some extent your quality as human and leader.

It is a serious dilemma, I would say, because you are trapped in a hide and seek game where identity is divided between more "shadows". Shadows that keep moving all over the place, afterwards combining in a way that sometimes makes you feel better, and other times makes you scared. You become a stranger to yourself; you envelop your expressions and actions in a bigger and bigger mystery. Thus, you reach a certain imprecision in evaluating your personality.

In this case, it would be better to reconsider the intentions you have about running through a game where you can’t find yourself. Or as someone else said, reconsider your own roots and take into account the possibility to sow new seeds if you want your identity to consolidate and to provide the necessary fuel for exerting an efficient leadership.

The well-hidden secret behind the contraries is that element strictly connected to your identity, which generates stability or instability, having the ability to be expanded and updated with new options at any time – until it reaches the unacceptable level. Because at a certain point the secret can turn into a show that lacks credibility. And leadership is based only on credibility.

In order to catch the essential subtleties which define the real identity of man, redefine the way in which he relates to you.



* Note: Flawless (2007)

 


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